Woke up in the early hours, thinking more about a photograph. What does it tell me about the person, about Laura? She’s looking at the lens not me, gazing into that small circle of glass. How can that photograph represent the whole of her? When I was taking the photograph was I even thinking of her? I wanted to capture her; freeze her in that moment so I could keep on looking at her even when she wasn’t there, fill my eyes with her, imagine her talking and laughing with me. What was she thinking inside though? When I’ve been talking with families during research, interviewing them about their experiences, each of them tells a slightly different story, see events in a different way. It’s even harder when they’re telling me about something that happened years ago.
I took this photo quite a while ago now.
The girl just attracted me as she walked along, slightly apart from people. Maybe she reminded me of Laura somehow. What was she thinking as she gazes to the right; where was she going? She’s holding her mobile phone, waiting for a connection. And the other people there. What are their lives like.
There was another photo I took towards the end of last year.
They looked happy together. Perhaps they reminded me of me and Laura, or a vision I had of us together.
Nothing seems real to me at the moment. I can see the surface but it’s transitory. I keep wondering whether Laura ever meant anything she said. I need to find some firmer ground. It might help to hold her firmer in my memory if I go back to some of the places where we used to walk or cycle.
Journal 